Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Mood Swings Kill

I've realised that these days I behave in a totally unorthodox manner, something I can't personally relate to. Though they seem like mood swings, they aren't because Ivan's not the kind of person who actually have them, and even if he's feeling down he wouldn't take it out on anyone. Not at all.

Today I question about the topic of hedonism. That is, the pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses, according to www.dictionary.com. I've been thinking about it, and wondered if I belong to this category of people. I'm beginning to doubt my association with this genre of people, as much as most people think I would. There is no mistake that many people think I'm fun-loving, probably because I spread the love and joy and whateverthehellyoucallit wherever I go. As mentioned above, I don't take things out on other people, which also infers that I'm quite a happy-go-lucky person most of the time.

However, there is also no mistake that people, whether they realise or not, do possess some (not all) knowledge about my hobbies, past times etcetera. I do not like to do things most people enjoy in, such as Bowling, Pool, LAN Gaming to name a few. I used to take part in those alot, but as I grew up, it just wasn't in me to want to do things as such. They bore me, not only at the thought of it, but the mere mention of it. In that, I do not classify myself as a hedonist.

I've learnt to appreciate the finer things in life, according to my standards. And they have absolutely no involvement or whatsoever in the indulgence of much material wealth, or money in short. For example, I love going to beaches, especially with someone of the opposite sex. It's not because I'm a teresterone-driven sex machine, but rather a more comfortable understanding of both parties can be achieved easily. Cliche as it is, but such an establishment usually spells out the entire process. Just like how an introduction of an essay gives you a brief idea of what to expect further on. I simply enjoy discussing about the deeper part of out heart, our mind, our soul. It's a real heart to heart talk, and much facilitated by the beauty of nature. And if enjoyment of the senses, or rather the appreciation of it is considered hedonism, I'm nevertheless proud to be one.

I've always talked about the beauty of beaches and its awesome exuberance, with most of my close companions that is. And it's sad really, because a month or so ago I thought that I've found a perfect partner to go to beaches with all the time. At times I thought it was repetitive, and that I would get bored of it after some time. But I was proven wrong, because each experience brings a totally new and fresh perspective. Everytime I go there, I feel like I've rediscovered something new. Like I've been enlightened in a very simplistic sort of manner. Simple, yet I'm very much in love with it.

I'm also particularly aware of my appreciation for sceneries which I found to be boring, dull and stupid in the past. Not any more, because like people, tastes change.

But my love never changes.

posted@8:50 PM

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